How do we proactively create a positive and productive environment at home when the lines between work and home are now blurred? For this online edition of Sage Lab, Deputy CEO of Emergenetics Asia Pacific, Mr Colin Yeow, shared with us numerous tips on how we can create that positive workspace in the home space. Here are some of our personal reflections on them:
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Diagnosing conflict through identification
When most of us think of conflict, we think of differences – differences in beliefs, expectations, or simply differences in how we communicate with each other. Colin shared that in his coaching experience, he has found that teams who thought of conflict in the abstract found it a lot harder to deal with. Instead, Colin suggested breaking down “conflict” into ABC components:
A – Activating event
B – Belief
C – Consequences
The starting point of any conflict is an “activating event” and the first step is to be aware of what “triggers” us. We all have various triggers depending on who we are, the situation we are in and the people we are dealing with. These triggers also vary from the workspace to the home space. When the workspace and home space suddenly merged into one during the circuit breaker, suddenly these triggers not only add up, but multiply.
With the current situation, many of us have been placed in a new and unfamiliar environment where both work and home are in the same physical space. In our attempts to cope and adapt, we may unintentionally impact and “trigger” others through our actions. Colin called this “the intent and impact gap”. As we tried to create an environment that we felt comfortable in, sometimes we would fail to recognise how uncomfortable it made someone else. Similarly, someone else’s attempts to create a comfortable space may cause us distress. The situation is compounded because, in these times, this person would often be our family member. We may thereby choose to stay silent, avoid causing conflict, and hoping that things would be okay once the restrictions were lifted.
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Choosing to create a positive environment
A challenge was posed to us: to go beyond feeling okay and to feeling great. To do so, Colin shared about how we can cultivate positive emotion and use that to build authentic relationships with others. Colin emphasised that the starting point in minimising conflict with others was self-management. By managing our emotions, we can choose to positively influence our interactions and relationships with others.
Returning to how conflict arises, an activating event often leads to a reaction. A ‘reaction’ occurs when we fail to pause and think about our response. Often, we look at conflict with the mindset that it is inevitable, and we must manage it when it arises. Colin offers a new perspective – that we have a choice. In the space between a trigger and a reaction, Colin suggests that this is where we should practice mindfulness: by being aware and paying attention to our surroundings, and thereafter, accepting it without judgement.
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Growing in our environment
Summarising, Colin suggested that he hoped that our biggest personal takeaway was learning to assume positive intent when interacting with others. This meant that whenever someone did or said something, we should first assume that the person meant well.
Recognising that putting this into actionable steps may be challenging, Colin suggested adopting a growth mindset, where one believed that he or she was capable of growth through the difficulties faced. In contrast, a fixed mindset was when a person believed that the limits of one’s abilities were pre-determined and unchangeable. To adopt a growth mindset, the first step was to believe that we could adopt the assumption of positive intent and then to practice it in our daily lives whenever we faced a triggering event. Even if there were only a few successful attempts, each represented one conflict that was avoided, and one more instance of a positive environment created. This would help us ‘deposit positive experiences’ into the bank account we had with that particular person we were interacting with. All these feelings we felt and the ones we made others feel would add up and construct a more positive relationship with them.
This webinar has shed light on many aspects of how we can manage conflicts and relationships. We learned that doing what we can to calibrate our approach taken towards others will go a long way in contributing to a productive and positive environment both at work and at home. Where others are not so fortunate to have the opportunity to learn how to do so, we should be forgiving and patient towards them, which will help them learn as well. Ultimately, we do our best to manage what we can – ourselves.
Sage Lab is an open platform through which we hope to create a vibrant and youthful community where the latest conflict management ideas can be shared, debated and encouraged. Sage Lab speakers do not receive a fee and all students can attend Sage Lab sessions for free.
This edition of Sage Lab held online drew a crowd of 23 attendees and included friends from India and Indonesia.
We are very grateful to Colin for his precious time with us at Sage Lab, the Singapore International Mediation Institute, the SMU Mediation & Negotiation Club and the NUS Collaborative Dispute Resolution Club for assisting us in passing word around, and for all attendees for their support in joining us for Sage Lab.
If you are interested to attend a future edition of Sage Lab, please follow us on our LinkedIn or Facebook for updates. Or if you wish to give an interesting talk relating to conflict management, contact us or email us!
Written by: Levin Lin of the NUS Collaborative Dispute Resolution Club and Samantha Lek of Sage Mediation
